I wrote the following post as a joke for my wife and daughter’s website, http://www.ashleysbigsecret.com/. Amazingly, a German-language Internet pharmacy website picked up my post about the fictitious diet I had invented and translated it into German as a serious post. I do not have the heart, nor do I have the German language skills, to tell them that it is not serious.So, for you as a special, benefit for being part of the PremiumTrader website, I will share with you my post in English.

The DELI Diet®

I have a plan for the future, my future.

I intend to lose a meaningful amount of weight by Christmas.

I have targeted a loss of 13 pounds. If I lose 13 pounds I will reduce my weight to the point where I was several years ago when I thought that I was fat.

So, I am reducing my weight by one fat increment. When I am done, I will still be fat, but I will be only as fat as I was two years ago, not as fat as I am today, err, last month.

My secret, which I share with you now, is very simple. So simple, in fact, that I am registering it so that I will be the one to earn a Brittany Spears-sized income with about the same amount of effort that she puts forth.

I am hereby announcing The DELI Diet®.

It will be the latest rage and supplant the South Beach Diet, the Adkins Diet and all other diets promoted by people who were always thin and never needed to lose any weight anyway. This is a diet so easy that even a complete imbecile can do it.

In no time, everyone will be talking about the The DELI Diet®!

To take advantage of my new-age, ultra-scientific diet research, all you need to do is Don’t Eat Like an Idiot.

I have been strictly, no… seriously, no… somewhat following the diet for nearly four weeks and I have lost five pounds. At least, I had lost it this morning before I single-handedly ate about half a large pizza. This is the reason that I am writing this tonight before my morning weigh-in.

If you agree that The DELI Diet® is a revolution in weight loss, proven beyond a shadow of doubt by my own weight loss, you can be part of this life-changing revolution. You do not need to spend your hard-earned money on books or ab machines, all you need to do is send me $5 to my address, below.

After you have sent the money, I will send you an e-mail with your own personal weight calculating/losing graph. Once you have the graph, simply fill it out in whatever way you think appropriate and, most importantly, you will feel so much better about yourself.

As for me, I will feel infinitely better about myself for inventing The DELI Diet® and, at the same time, finding a way to get people I don’t even know to send me money.

Your pal, Jeff

Copyright © 2007 by Jeff Quinto
All rights reserved

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